100% RAW organic, unadulterated, straight from the source, fair trade, no GMO's, no artificial additives, no pesticides, no FOMO, BPA free. It may sound to you like we're referencing that vegan english muffin you now hold in your hand, but we're just describing ingredients which comprise San Francisco's sweetest cycling club, Fat Cake!
"Bleh, not a morning person," you say, paradoxically, as you continue nibbling on your sando, unperturbed.
INSTRUCTIONS from that TED talk you missed: Place your post-ride croissant in one hand while painting a few sunrises with your donut brush with the other, and not only are you now riding with no hands while simultaneously creating a masterpiece, but those unfounded reservations you hold so deeply about pre-dawn, prolonged yawns are fading fast. We want you to experience all of the glorious donuts of life, and we're not about to stop smiling along side you until you've reached that goal.
"Ok, that sounds nice," you admit. "Maybe I can try waking up early once or twice, but what about all those extra calories?" you protest. "A sando is one thing, but a donut will wreck me!"
Eating a pastry is not cheating on your diet. Dieting is cheating on your pastry! So smile with friends new and old, grab an auspicious wheel, and set your course for the kind of new adventure which only the Pre-dawn White Light p/b Fat Cake can afford you.
Please help us keep unfettered Marin wildlife in check and save us from this Giant baker with the condescending disposition, unable to cry human tears, by joining us each Tuesday morning at the Golden Gate Bridge at 6:15. Together, we will transmute this mountain into a troll hill, climbing a few pitches to the top as easily as Jack might navigate a beanstalk before drifting gracefully back down through the clouds to the gooey, open arms that is Arsicault Bakery. p.s. Giants hate kouign-amman!
If we suddenly find ourselves riding two abreast, I don't see why we have to let being strangers keeps us from holding hands. Vonnegut once explained to us that "invitations from strangers are dancing lessons from God." In that case, get your Giro tap shoes ready for a spirited but also spiritual jaunt around the West Bay with your most charming and disarming, cakiestfriends.
If you follow us to the end of this dare, we'll sport donuts on our sleeves as a sign of solidarity both with you and with the Pastry Gods. In return, these gods will offer us safe passage across the tarmac, rubber side down. Check your Instagram for ride updates!